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1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
简单的英语小故事 简短的英语趣味小故事
1、A cat goes to a river every day. He wants to go fishing. But he can’t catch any fish.
一只猫每天去河边，他想去钓鱼，但是他去钓不到一条。
One day, he goes to the river as usual. Suddenly a fish comes out. He catches the fish. He is very happy. He forgets to put the fish in the basket. He dances and sings. He shouts, “I have a fish! I have a fish!” All his friends come to see him.
一天，他像往常一样去了河边。突然一条鱼浮出了水面。他捉到了那条鱼。他非常开心。他忘记把鱼放到篮子里去了。他又唱又跳，叫道：“我捉到一条鱼!我捉到一条鱼!”他所有的朋友都过来看。
“Where is your fish? Let us have a look at it. ” his friends say.
“你的鱼在哪儿?让我们看一看。”他的朋友们说。
“It’s there, near the bank.” the cat answers. But he can’t find the fish. When he sings and dances, the fish jumps back into the river.
“在那儿，河岸附近。”猫回答道。但是他找不到那条鱼。当他又唱又跳的时候，鱼跳回了河里。
2、Wang Xi-zhi is one of the most famous calligraphers during the Eastern Jin Dynasty of China. When he was very young, he practiced his art every day and never stopped.
王羲之是中国东晋时代一个很有名的书法家，他从小就刻苦练字，从不间断。
absorbed the strong points of all the other schools of calligraphy, and developed his own unique style of writing. Because of his achievements, he has been honored as one of China's sages of calligraphy.
以后又吸取了各个不同书法派的优点，形成他自己独特的个性。因为他在书法上的成就，人们都尊称他为中国书法界的“圣人”。
One time, Wang Xi-zhi sketched in wood for an engraver to cut. Then the engraver found the ink had penetrated one centimeter into the wood.
有一次，王羲之在木板上刻字，后来刻字的人发现墨汁渗入木板有三尺深。
"Ru Mu San Fen" is got from this story, which means the calligraphy is penetrating.
“入木三分”就是从这个故事中得出来的，用来形容书法有力。
3、I have nine little goldfish .Eight goldfish are all orange and one is?black .I like the black one best.
我有九条小金鱼。八条金鱼都是桔**的，只有一条是黑的。我最喜欢那条黑的。
We call it Xiao Hei .Its body is black .It has?two big and round eyes, a small mouth ,and a big tail. Though it＇s very small ,it?swims fast .
我们叫它小黑。它全身都是黑色的。它有两只又大又圆的眼睛，一张小嘴和一条大尾巴。尽管它非常小，但它却游得很快。
I often feed them and change water for them. We are good friends .
我常常去喂它们，给它们换水。我们是好朋友。
4、For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold.
几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。
On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions.?I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
5、A panda looks like a little bear. It has black and white fur. It lives only in China, so it is called the national treasure of China and protected by the law.
熊猫看起来好像一只小熊。它的皮毛是黑白相间。 它只居住在中国，因此，它是中国的国宝，受到国家法律的保护。
We all see panda on TV or in the zoo. They look stupid and walk slowly, but they are lovely and everyone likes them.
A panda is lucky animal. We Chinese like it, and people of the world like it, too.
我们在电视上或在动物园里能看到熊猫。他们看起来显得很笨的样子，走起来很缓慢，但很可爱，大家都很喜欢它们。
Now there are China’s pandas in many other countries, such as Japan and the USA…
熊猫是个吉祥的动物。中国人民喜欢它，世界人民也喜欢它。现在许多国家都有中国的熊猫，如，日本、美国……
A panda isn’t a common animal, it is bridge of friendship.
熊猫不是一种普通的动物，而是一座友谊的桥梁。
1、简单英语小故事——老人和老猫
An old man has a cat. The cat is very old, too. He runs very quickly. And his teeth are bad. One evening, the old cat sees a little mouse. He catches it, but he can’t eat it because his teeth are not strong enough. The mouse runs away.
The old man is very angry. He beats his cat. He says: “You are a fool cat. I will punish you!” the cat is very sad. He thinks：“When I was young, I worked hard for you. Now you don’t like me because I’m too old to work. You should know you are old, too.”
一个年迈的老人养一只猫。这只猫也非常老了。她跑得很快，但是牙齿很糟糕。一天王还是那个，这只老猫看见一只小老鼠。它抓住了小老鼠，但是它却吃不了它，因为它的牙齿不够锋利了。这只小老鼠逃跑了。
老人很生气，他打了小猫，并且对它说：“你这只蠢猫！我要惩罚你！”猫非常伤心，它想：“在我还年轻的时候，我为你努力工作。现在你却因为我太老了不能工作而不喜欢我。你应该知道你也老了。”
2、英语小故事——驴子与蚱蜢
AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, The dew. The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.
驴子听见蚱蜢唱歌，被美妙动听的歌声所打动，自己也想能发出同样悦耳动听的声音，便 羡慕地问他们吃些什么，才能发出如此美妙的声音来。蚱蜢答道：“吃露水。”驴子便也只吃露水，没多久就饿死了。这个故事告诉人们不要企望非份之物。
3、英语小故事——三个好朋友
One day, a monkey rides his bike near the river. This time he sees a lion under a tree. The lion runs at him. He is afraid and falls into the river. He can’t swim. He shouts. The rabbit hears him. He jumps into the river. The rabbit swims to the monkey, but he can’t help him. Luckily, an elephant comes along. He is very strong. He helps the rabbit and monkey. Three friends are very happy. They go to the elephant’s home. Then, three of them become good friends.
一天， 一只猴子在河边骑车。这时他看见树下有一只狮子，狮子向他跑来。他非常的害怕，掉进河里。他不会游泳，大叫起来。兔子听见了，跳进水里，但他却没有办法救猴子。幸运的是，一只大象过来了。大象非常强壮，救出了兔子和猴子。他们来到大象的家，在那里吃了一顿大餐。从此他们成了好朋友。
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